Being the caregiver of someone who is terminally ill is one of the most difficult and painful jobs one will likely ever experience. At the same time, it is one of the most rewarding and privileged gifts one can ever give or receive... In times of grief, it is difficult to imagine how in the world anything positive can be seen in something so tragic as caring for the terminally ill and dying. As in all areas of life, when we peel away the emotions attached to a situation, everything has a reason and its place in the grand scheme of things.

Care giving is much more than just changing bedding and bathing. A caregiver, for our intents and purposes, wears too many hats to list, as the list is ever-changing. From basic care, to legal matters and sometimes overwhelmingly big medical decisions, nothing is meaningless during this time of intensive caring. The closeness and trust that forms between the dying and the caregiver is a bond that is like no other. As we all can only be born alone, so it is when we die. We so often hear that no one wants to die alone. Though the dying frequently does wait until no one is by their side when they do finally let go, they only do so because they feel safe enough to go.

Caregivers show the ultimate love. Not because we withstand bodily fluids and changing body functions. Not because we somehow find superhuman strength to lift the body that can no longer lift it. Not because we learn to perform medical procedures that the general population may have never even heard of, and not because we learn to sleep lightly when we sleep at all in case we must suddenly spring into action. Ask any caregiver and they will tell you "you do what you've got to do".

The ultimate love that is shown by a caregiver is the decision we make to walk the dying to Death's door, holding their hand until they walk through it. The decision to choose love over self, to show mercy, to chose quality over quantity of life, to chose to let go rather than opting for heroics, to send the nonverbal message that "I am here and you are not alone".these things are the ultimate love. It is the absence of self.